Presentation: Unconventional Weaponry and You
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT: VOID ENGINEER OUTPOST [REDACTED, COMMON ROOM, XX-YY 2021] ---- "What are you watching?" "The symposium in Riga." "Why? Those things are always boring." "Brandon sent me the recordings - the Antwerp Construct gave presentations, and things got pretty wild, apparently. Don't worry, though - I skipped the White Witch's presentation, so we won't have to worry about her brainwashing us." "Sounds like something you'd say if she brainwashed you." "Dude, shut up." "So whose presentation are we watching?" "Salisbury's first, then after a break it's Taylor's." "Salisbury? Giving a presentation? Keep that paused while I get us all some popcorn." ---- *Franklin appears in front of the large screen in the presentation room. He tears some duct tape from his mouth.* "Ah, much better. Anyway, I've been known to ramble a bit about the scientific details, so I'll do my best to keep things brief. Let's get to my presentation: Unconventional Weaponry and You." "Is that an asterisk next to the word 'Unconventional'?" "No, not like that, you idiots." "Was that a pun? Since when does Salisbury make puns?" "I'm guessing since he first put on that ridiculous suit." "What's so ridiculous about the suit?" "Are you kidding me right now?" "Is it me, or do his eyes look creepier than normal?" "Could you lot please be quiet? I can't hear him over your constant yapping." "Fun fact: in the other universe, apparently they solved the whole Grandmaw thing by saying 'We're people, please don't eat us'. ... Whoops?" "Wait, what? They TALKED to the Grand Maw in another Everett Volume?" "Sounds fake." ---- "We have the Lord's Armor." '*angry murmurs from the crowd*''' "Oh, get over it. The name's just for show - besides, even if you don't believe in deities, walking around in armor that you claim is blessed by one is going to boost your morale."'' "Spoken like a true Texan." "He's from Texas? No way!" "Oh yeah - his father's a big cattle farmer over there. I hear Salisbury made his groundwater radioactive while on a mission there." "If you've seen movies, I'm sure you're familiar with the Mjölnir principle. Of course, we're not going to look into 'worthiness'..." "He is such a Marvel nerd." "What's wrong with Marvel? At least they don't make things needlessly gritty like DC." "HOW DARE YOU." *angry bickering* "So could we use this Mind lock procedure so that you and agent Jane, after your deconditioning, cannot use our weaponry?" "WHAT?! They know he's not conditioned?!" "What the hell did the White Witch SAY?!" "Shut up! I can't hear him!" "... so basically, if you used a Mind scan of us from before our deconditioning, then absolutely, we wouldn't be able to use those weapons as we are now." "... Should we go watch the White Wi-" """ NO! """ ---- "Moving on, we have the 'big gun': the Quake Gun." "Isn't that the thing he used to ki-" "Don't finish that sentence - the last one to say that got toilet duty for 2 weeks." "Besides, it's ridiculous to think he wou-" *a newspaper clipping appears on the large screen* *in the most insincere voice possible*''' "Whoops."'' "What the shi-" ---- "Oh look, he's bragging about his fancy suit again." "But if he's actually releasing his blueprints so they can be mass produced..." "I'll believe that when I see it." "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you... the Tungsten Cadre." '*six armored suits appear next to Franklin* "... Were those in the room all along?" "He could've killed everyone there if he wanted to." "From what I'm hearing, they realized that too." ---- "So... that HAS to be fake, right? There's no way a single bullet could obliterate an entire room like that." "I was there when they tested the second SPAM Cannon he built. Afterwards, they mind-wiped everyone who so much as caught a glimpse of the blueprints." "For real? You were there? What was it like?" "Creepy - there was no explosion, just the gust of wind from the void the impact left being filled." "I think Blackmane is drooling." ---- "Why are you watching the break? Just fast forward to the next presentation once everyone's done with their toilet breaks." "This is interesting, though - apparently they aren't willing to trust him that the Cadre actually left the room, so he's streaming their camera feeds to the big screen. Right now they're in some hallway." "Okay, but now they're just standi- where are they going?" *on the screen, six video frames show a door being blasted open; a woman is kneeling in front of a Watcher in the Deep* "Wha-" *an annoyed voice comes from the screen*''' "Kill it." '''*there is a flash of red, and the Watcher is no more* "..." "I got s'mores for the next presentation! ... Why are there 6 frames on the screen of Faraday kneeling in her hotel room?" "..."